Kiku would shoot me a look, and then I’d jump in. Activated and ready to defend her stress and emotionality. You see, her stress triggered my stress. I jumped in to protect her, but to also protect myself from feeling stress.So, when she was having a hard time with our son, all she would have…
Do you ever get a rush of panic or shame come up inside of you when you think you might have done something wrong and/or upset someone? I think it’s a learned response to the arbitrary, unpredictable, and intense shame put on kids by adults if and when an adult decides that this child has…
Read more The Thing that is Stopping You from Living your Life
Tired of not being listened to? Tired of being ignored by your kids? Here are things you can do to improve your communication with your children and to have them pay more attention when you speak. โ Connect before you direct. Connection governs cooperation. Be interested in your child and what your child is doing.…
Leveraging children teaches them how to use leverage. I’m talking when we as parents us emotional leveraging, physical forcing, taking stuff away, and threatening. The will lean all about leveraging through their interactions and I theyโll get REALLY good at it. They will eventually find your leverage point and start using it. There will come…
“Maternal gatekeeping,โ when moms control dads interactions with their children, and decisions about children. Some moms can gatekeep access to kids and control how things are done with respect to the children. They can assume a position of ultimate authority and disregard what dad says. They can disregard valid concerns about how the kids are…
The Pendulum Swings Wildly for some of us. Empathetic parents (and/or parents that struggle with boundaries and self regulation) can struggle with the Nasty Swinging Pendulum. Empathetic parents want to be attentive. They want to meet the needs of their children and to be there for them. But we also want to have some boundaries.…
๐ ๐ฅ๐จ๐ญ ๐จ๐ ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐๐ข๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐๐ฎ๐ซ๐ซ๐๐ง๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐๐ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ฃ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ ๐ฅ๐๐ฏ๐๐ซ๐๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ง๐๐ซ๐ฏ๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐ฒ๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐ฆ ๐จ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐ ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐๐ง๐ญ ๐๐๐ง ๐ ๐๐ญ ๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ข๐๐ง๐๐. If a parent gets angry, avoidant, or judgemental, this can send a child into panic, into a fight, flight, freeze, flop fawn response. A child wants safety and secure attachment.…
โSelf-betrayal is the result of conditional love โ we learn to deny parts of ourselves in order to be loved, not for who we are but the version they approve of. We are supported or accepted when we met their approval, but our parents removed their love when we didnโt perform in a way that…
If you treat your partner poorlyโฆ If you successfully control him/herโฆ if you nitpick and talk down to your partner and he or she takes itโฆ Your partner will then likely do the same with your kids. And then your kids will also start doing it will each other. Lots of sibling rivalry is learned…
I struggle with this. I can get scared and catapulted into feeling shame and low self worth. When it happens it can result in blow ups and lack of connection. And a lack of trust in me. I have a hard time with the strong emotions of others, and certainly I have hard time with…