parenting

Kiku would shoot me a look, and then I’d jump in. Activated and ready to defend her stress and emotionality. You see, her stress triggered my stress. I jumped in to protect her, but to also protect myself from feeling stress.So, when she was having a hard time with our son, all she would have…

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Leveraging children teaches them how to use leverage. I’m talking when we as parents us emotional leveraging, physical forcing, taking stuff away, and threatening. The will lean all about leveraging through their interactions and I theyโ€™ll get REALLY good at it. They will eventually find your leverage point and start using it. There will come…

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“Maternal gatekeeping,โ€ when moms control dads interactions with their children, and decisions about children. Some moms can gatekeep access to kids and control how things are done with respect to the children. They can assume a position of ultimate authority and disregard what dad says. They can disregard valid concerns about how the kids are…

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The Pendulum Swings Wildly for some of us. Empathetic parents (and/or parents that struggle with boundaries and self regulation) can struggle with the Nasty Swinging Pendulum. Empathetic parents want to be attentive. They want to meet the needs of their children and to be there for them. But we also want to have some boundaries.…

Read more The Viscous Pendulum

๐€ ๐ฅ๐จ๐ญ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐œ๐ข๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ž ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐œ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ซ๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ž๐ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ฃ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐š ๐ฅ๐ž๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐š๐ ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ง๐ž๐ซ๐ฏ๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐ฒ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐ฆ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐œ๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐ ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฉ๐š๐ซ๐ž๐ง๐ญ ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐ ๐ž๐ญ ๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ข๐š๐ง๐œ๐ž. If a parent gets angry, avoidant, or judgemental, this can send a child into panic, into a fight, flight, freeze, flop fawn response. A child wants safety and secure attachment.…

Read more Not Really a Well Behaved Kid

If you treat your partner poorlyโ€ฆ If you successfully control him/herโ€ฆ if you nitpick and talk down to your partner and he or she takes itโ€ฆ Your partner will then likely do the same with your kids. And then your kids will also start doing it will each other. Lots of sibling rivalry is learned…

Read more SHIT FLOWS DOWNHILL

I struggle with this. I can get scared and catapulted into feeling shame and low self worth. When it happens it can result in blow ups and lack of connection. And a lack of trust in me. I have a hard time with the strong emotions of others, and certainly I have hard time with…

Read more Men, this is for you