Do you get annoyed or angry when your child says “No” to you. “No” from a child can feel like a threat and it’s because of this. Power differential, status, and ego. Those on the lower rungs of the hierarchy ladder (Children, among others) are not expected to, or allowed to have much of their…
Let’s say my son gets short with my daughter. He uses a crappy tone with her, he’s judgy, and tells her off for something. And maybe this has been happening regularly. Now… My tendency here can be to protect her and to tell him off. To be short with him, and snappy. (to use a…
When the brain feels threatened it looks for the target of that threat, and reacts to it. Much of the work of parenting is to monitor and regulate our own state so that we do not mistake our children for threats. The difference between a regulated brain and threatened brain is staggering. A threatened person…
Humility is a gift, and it’s when I’ve learned the most, about myself and this world. But many of us run from this, the chance to be humbled. We built up defenses to avoid the very thing that can set us free and crack us open. These defenses stop us from experiencing the greatest gifts…
Let’s say I was able to go back in time and talk to my old self. Past Drew would not like all this talk of self-regulation and personal responsibility. It was clear to Past Drew that the kids were the problem. Past Drew spent a lot of time worried about the behavior of his children.…
Toxic parenting leads to toxic relationships later on. How kids learn to relate when they are young repeats itself later on in adult partner relationships. Toxic parenting sounds like this: – You are making me sad/frustrated…. – Do this for mommy – You’re not sad. Stop crying. You are just trying to…. – If you…
Much conflict results from someone wanting something (or wanting to be heard), and feeling like they cannot get it from someone. Let’s take a look at what doesn’t work. What tends to intensify the conflict or prolong it is when someone communicates like this: – I don’t want to hear you (interrupt or speaking over)…
“I say this with love: Let go of the story of having such a difficult or disrespectful child. It’s not helping. Telling this story again and again has you looking for problems rather than solutions. It has you creating your own stressed out reality and strained relationship with your child. Your energy goes more to…
Addicted to your own toxicity? There is an addictive quality to playing the victim, power tripping, yelling, blaming, also guilting and shaming someone else. There is an addictive quality to making someone else wrong and responsible for your feelings. You think it will make you feel better, but it never does in the end. A…
I personally love the idea of having specific challenges and rising to a challenge. Having parents and mentors who have challenged me has changed my life so much for the better. Peaceful parenting or Conscious parenting is not void of challenge. From my experience, children like challenge and like people to challenge and encourage them. …
