If we do not empower strong willed children to their own autonomy and freedom, they will find something to push against and will likely and eventually push away from the parent. They will fight for their freedom and autonomy if we do not grant it. Good for them! ๐ช They will build a case against the parent…
A first question to ask is why is the child closed down? Opening up happens in an environment of trust and safety. Closing down happens when safety and trust are not present. So how does safety and trust get threatened? Children close down is because of feeling judged and having oneโs experience/feelings diminished or invalidated.At…
๐๐จ๐ฐ ๐๐๐ง ๐ ๐๐๐๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐’๐ฌ ๐ญ๐๐ง๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฌ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ฌ๐๐ญ? ๐๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ ๐ฌ๐๐ฒ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐จ๐ฉ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ญ๐๐ง๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฆ, ๐จ๐ซ ๐ก๐๐ฅ๐ฉ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ฆ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ฆ ๐๐จ๐ฐ๐ง. ๐๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง๐๐ซ๐๐๐ข๐๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ . ๐ ๐ง๐๐๐ ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฆ๐ ๐๐๐ฏ๐ข๐๐!! Here is my advice: Accept that in those meltdown moments, you doing “nothing” is often better than doing something. Your job is to be present and…
Our feelings come from our thinking about a situation, or the meaning we personally make of it. (Often, this interpretation of a situation, the “meaning making” happens so quickly that it is hard to catch) When you get upset and reactive with your child, you have made meaning of their behavior, and it’s not a…
Read more Your Thinking determines your Feelings…and then your Action.
There are some overt ways that we can shame our children. You can probably guess what they sound like. Here are a few phrases that heap on the contempt and shame: – What the hell were you thinking?– What’s wrong with you?– Who do you think you are?– You are so rude/bad/lazy….– I wish you…
Good Job!!!โGood jobโ can be like a throw away phrase. You donโt even have to look at your kidโฆ You can just say good job while you glance up from your computer.Also if itโs the only thing a parent says in response to a child looking for feedbackโฆ A lot of good opportunities are missed.…
If I were to take a guess as to why a lot sibling rivalry occurs it would be this. First of all, I think a certain amount of conflict is natural and healthyโฆ But Iโm talking about ongoing persistent, hurtful and getting in the way of a generally peaceful home type of conflict. My guess…
The apple may not fall far from the tree. ๐๐ณ. If your child is defensive, and combative, you may be defensive and combative and hurt too. (That’s what defensiveness is. It’s hurt and pain bottled up and then projected out). In essence, the environment (the parent’s own hurt and defensiveness) can teach the child how…
How to deal with a child who is defensive and does not take well to correction? If this is the case, the child may have been over corrected or been corrected in a way that lacks connection. Eventually, enough of this kind of correction will lead to a loss of relationship capital. The parent will…
“๏ผฉ ๏ผฎ๏ผฅ๏ผฅ๏ผค ๏ผน๏ผฏ๏ผต ๏ผด๏ผฏ _______ “ In the context of parenting, I don’t use this phrasing. It doesn’t feel right. In general, I don’t actually “need” my child to finish his vegetables or to have a shower. I definitely have needs. But they don’t so much involve my children. Also, I see them as my…
