In the coaching I do, I talk about behavior issues with parents. Most of the behavior issues I’ve helped parents with seem to get resolved when parents learn how to consistently meet the core needs of their children. These three needs seem to pop up again and again: Connection (love, affection, attention, validation) Predictability…
It might just be that parents are scared and feel threatened. Really? From a child? No… It’s hard to imagine that a child’s behavior could have me feel threatened. But that’s what happens when I react angrily. Most parents miss this and as a result miss out on addressing the root cause of their impatience…
Do you get annoyed or angry when your child says “No” to you. “No” from a child can feel like a threat and it’s because of this. Power differential, status, and ego.Those on the lower rungs of the hierarchy ladder (Children, among others) are not expected to, or allowed to have much of their own…
Let’s say my son gets short with my daughter. He uses a crappy tone with her, he’s judgy, and tells her off for something. And maybe this has been happening regularly. Now… My tendency here can be to protect her and to tell him off. To be short with him, and snappy. (to use a…
When the brain feels threatened it looks for the target of that threat, and reacts to it. Much of the work of parenting is to monitor and regulate our own state so that we do not mistake our children for threats. The difference between a regulated brain and threatened brain is staggering. A threatened person…
Humility is a gift, and it’s when I’ve learned the most, about myself and this world. But many of us run from this, the chance to be humbled. We built up defenses to avoid the very thing that can set us free and crack us open. These defenses stop us from experiencing the greatest gifts…
Let’s say I was able to go back in time and talk to my old self. Past Drew would not like all this talk of self-regulation and personal responsibility. It was clear to Past Drew that the kids were the problem. Past Drew spent a lot of time worried about the behavior of his children.…
Toxic parenting leads to toxic relationships later on. How kids learn to relate when they are young repeats itself later on in adult partner relationships. Toxic parenting sounds like this: – You are making me sad/frustrated…. – Do this for mommy – You’re not sad. Stop crying. You are just trying to…. – If you…
Much conflict results from someone wanting something (or wanting to be heard), and feeling like they cannot get it from someone. Let’s take a look at what doesn’t work. What tends to intensify the conflict or prolong it is when someone communicates like this: – I don’t want to hear you (interrupt or speaking over)…
“I say this with love: Let go of the story of having such a difficult or disrespectful child. It’s not helping. Telling this story again and again has you looking for problems rather than solutions. It has you creating your own stressed out reality and strained relationship with your child. Your energy goes more to…
