This is happening more than people admit. Perfectly professional men (and women) go home and argue with their partners and yell at their children.
It’s not good. It’s not good for the family.
Why does this happen?
When we leave home and go out in public, accountability on our behavior automatically increases.
When you come home and shut the door, accountability on your behavior can drastically decreases if you let it. Other people are not watching.
You create your own norms, and rules. You are a source of your own accountability. That’s a powerful position to be in.
If you have a volatile home, if you are impatient or angry, it’s time to realize that if you would not act like this outside of the home, there is no good reason to act like this at home. It’s time for you to hold yourself to higher standards at home.
We are responsible for regulating ourselves. We set the tone at home.
The work of regulating oneself becomes top priority for the man who behaves well in public, but is having a hard time being positive and mature at home.
I’m not shaming anyone here, but let’s be clear. It’s not good to be shouting at or shouting down your wife or kids.
If you want to yell less and have more patience, it is crucial for you to develop self awareness and self regulation.
You can start by visiting the “Emotion Log” page on my webpage. You can buy my book. If you need more help, reach out.
Home is the place where we need to be the most accountable and consistent in our behavior. Yet, it is the place where the worst of the man can come out. I know I’ve gotten sloppy at home. I’ve acted in ways at home that I would NEVER act in public or at work. This is not good. It is understandable, but not good.
And that is the first step. If you are acting in ways that you know are not okay, it’s time to acknowledge it and time to do something about it.
Can you recognize the reality of this “behind closed doors” phenomenon… where men become someone different at home?
It’s not healthy. It’s not good for for the family. It’s destabilizing for the family and for the man.
