WHAT SHE WON’T TELL YOU – for the Nice/Anxious Guy
Something needs to change. She is pulling away. The divorce word has come up. Your confidence is shaken.
She isn’t happy with you. And you know it. You can feel that she doesn’t trust you. And perhaps rightfully so.
You know that you have not been at your best. You haven’t been the best partner or man you could be. You can see where you’ve misstepped.
She has legitimate concerns.
So, you get humble, you apologize, you dig in, and start to work on you and on the relationship. You read books. Join a group…
You are trying. But it doesn’t feel much better.
Everything thing you do seems to be wrong.
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You don’t know what she wants.
She might not even know.
Or, she knows at a cellular level, but can’t communicate it to you. Or won’t, because it’s your work. She cannot do your work for you.
She cannot hand you your mature masculinity.
If she did, it wouldn’t be yours. It wouldn’t be trustable.
Here is a possibility. Here is what might serve the relationship:
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You simultaneously own your shit and love the shit out of yourself …
You strive to do better, but never abandon yourself.
…
You take responsibility for yourself BUT!.. have so much self respect that you don’t let anyone shame you or shit on you, not even her.
You decide to be accountable to yourself first and foremost, not to her. You listen to her, but at the end of the day, you evaluate yourself, she does not evaluate you.
The part she won’t tell you is this:
“Please never let me take away your self respect.”
Part of what she actually wants you to do better is stand up for yourself, to not see you crumble in the face of her criticism. That’s trustable.
(I know… it can be a bit crazy making. But it’s also a gift)
She won’t tell you. So I am telling you.
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So sure, strive to do better, grow, get help, learn to love her better. Yes. all good.
AND…Stand for yourself. Have self respect. Understand that she is not perfect. And as much love and respect that she deserves, you deserve it too. You are human. You make mistakes and deserve love and acceptance inside of your relationship…no matter what.
Stand for it. Require it.
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You deserve to be loved as you grow.
No carrot on a stick bullshit. No, I’ll love you when…
You are loveable now, in your imperfection.
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So? Can she hang with that? Because, you yourself may want to reconsider being in a relationship with someone who won’t accept you as is. I can’t think of a worse thing to experience but being in a relationship that was conditional.
You feel me?
Claim your self respect.
Love,
Drew