๐ ๐ฅ๐จ๐ญ ๐จ๐ ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐๐ข๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐๐ฎ๐ซ๐ซ๐๐ง๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐๐ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ฃ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ ๐ฅ๐๐ฏ๐๐ซ๐๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ง๐๐ซ๐ฏ๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐ฒ๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐ฆ ๐จ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐ ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐๐ง๐ญ ๐๐๐ง ๐ ๐๐ญ ๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ข๐๐ง๐๐.
If a parent gets angry, avoidant, or judgemental, this can send a child into panic, into a fight, flight, freeze, flop fawn response.
A child wants safety and secure attachment.
It doesn’t feel good to have your safety and connection threatened. It feels really scary for a child.
Belonging for the child means survival.
Many children will understandably try to resolve this tension and will comply in order to restore their safety and connection.
Some parents might think they have succeeded in raising a “well behaved” child. But, in fact, they might just have a well trained child who is scared and who has succumb to the leveraging of their nervous system.
I think there is a cost to this approach. What do you think the downside of this approach could be?
Good guidance and discipline does not rely on the leveraging of the nervous system or needs of the child.
It is possible to parent in positive ways that teach love and respect without threatening the safety and connection of the child.
