𝐀 𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐦 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞.
If a parent gets angry, avoidant, or judgemental, this can send a child into panic, into a fight, flight, freeze, flop fawn response.
A child wants safety and secure attachment.
It doesn’t feel good to have your safety and connection threatened. It feels really scary for a child.
Belonging for the child means survival.
Many children will understandably try to resolve this tension and will comply in order to restore their safety and connection.
Some parents might think they have succeeded in raising a “well behaved” child. But, in fact, they might just have a well trained child who is scared and who has succumb to the leveraging of their nervous system.
I think there is a cost to this approach. What do you think the downside of this approach could be?
Good guidance and discipline does not rely on the leveraging of the nervous system or needs of the child.
It is possible to parent in positive ways that teach love and respect without threatening the safety and connection of the child.