Do you have an angry or emotional partner? Do you try to keep the peace? Do you somehow think that you might even cause their anger?
Maybe you heard something like this when you were young:
– If you keep on whining, I’m going to get really angry!
– I didn’t want to get angry, but you pushed me. You made me angry.
These are ways of telling a child that the child is the one responsible for the parents behavior… as if the parent has no control him or herself.
There are many other ways that parents put the responsibility of their own emotions and behavior on to their kids.
Kids raised like this grow into adults who think that they are responsible for the hurtful and angry emotions of their partners, siblings, friends, and bosses.
They get scared when someone gets emotional or mad… and they try to make things better.
This is where shame, codependence, emotional enmeshment comes from.
This is where dysfunctional relationships come from.
A child told repeatedly that he or she is responsible for the angry outburst of a parent will eventually come to believe it.
—– HERE IS THE TRUTH ——
Everyone is responsible for him or herself… especially adult parents.
Everyone is responsible for his or her behavior… especially adult parents.
You don’t make your parents, siblings, or partner anything. They have choice and control over themselves.
If you have an angry or volatile partner, it is not your fault or responsibility.
They are responsible for their emotion and behavior. You do not deserve to be on the receiving end of their anger, nor do your kids.
It’s not up to you to smooth things over and manage your partner’s emotion or anger.
I know this might sound simple and readily apparent, but many of us are still extricating ourselves from this way of relating in some way.