If I were to take a guess as to why a lot sibling rivalry occurs it would be this.
First of all, I think a certain amount of conflict is natural and healthy… But I’m talking about ongoing persistent, hurtful and getting in the way of a generally peaceful home type of conflict.
My guess would be this: I think children who don’t entirely feel safe, even emotionally safe, or connected to their environment and caregivers can take out their fear and frustration on their siblings.
If there is too much judgment, inconsistency and volatility coming from the parent, the child will not feel safe and connected.
A child does not feel safe and connected will show it in their behavior.If a parent has demonstrated that they are not a safe place for that frustration to be released, it makes sense that the child would try to release that frustration on a sibling. Their sibling could even be a stand in for the child to project their pain onto. A child who is not allowed to be angry at a parent, might convince themselves that their sibling is the one who hurt them.
On top of that, there may be some parental modeling of the behavior that a child is mimicking… anger, judgement, punishment…
This is what I have noticed: when a child’s cup is full, when they feel safe and connected and well resourced, there is much less need for that child to act out and communicate sadness frustration and anger. And, there is less sibling rivalry.
The answer to sibling rivalry and to many other issues I have found is to create a safe and connected relationships at home.
Are you interested in doing just that? If so, contact me and we’ll make good things happen.