“I NEED YOU TO ________”

“I NEED YOU TO _______ “

In the context of parenting, I don’t use this phrasing. It doesn’t feel right.

In general, I don’t actually “need” my child to finish his vegetables or to have a shower. I definitely have needs. But they don’t so much involve my children. Also, I see them as my responsibility, not my kids.
If my kids don’t do something I want them to do, I am still going to be okay. Using the word “need” makes it seem that I might not be okay.

“Need” seems to supercharge the request and put lots of weight on it. And I think sets parents up for big disappointment when their child won’t do what they “need” them to do.

There is something there to me that infers the child might be responsible for the adults emotions. I know this likely isn’t the intent for parents who use it…but that’s how it feels to me.In general, I tend to stick to clear requests and instructions.

– Could you please
– Please put this there

I might also use the wording “I’d like you to” But “need” sounds too much…to needy.
I generally don’t use the (I need you to) wording with my partner or other adults either.

What do you think about I need you to ___________?

🤔😀 Drew

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