Behavior Problem or a Needs Problem?

In the coaching I do, I talk about behavior issues with parents.   Most of the behavior issues I’ve helped parents with seem to get resolved when parents learn how to consistently meet the core needs of their children. These three needs seem to pop up again and again:

  • Connection (love, affection, attention, validation)
  • Predictability (calm, order, consistency, reliability)
  • Autonomy (choice, learning, freedom, empowerment)

Because we were never about these needs, we can miss them. Many parents attempt to address misbehavior with rewards or punishments, and still the problem can persist because the underlying issue remains.

Not only that, the behavior might even get worse because the real issues are not being addressed. Imagine being a child and wanting connection but not fully getting it. You get upset, sad, and angry. Then you get punished for your “behavior”. This opposite of what you need. You get less connection and more judgement. 

When the real issues get addressed, huge improvements can been made and peace becomes possible. For real.

Reach out if you would need help. 🙂 Things can be different.


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