The Self Regulated Parent

When the brain feels threatened it looks for the target of that threat, and reacts to it. Much of the work of parenting is to monitor and regulate our own state so that we do not mistake our children for threats.
The difference between a regulated brain and threatened brain is staggering.
👉 A threatened person wants to make that threat stop. They might hit, yell at, shut down, blame, avoid, isolate, punish… It’s fight or flight.
When a parent actively monitors and regulates HIM/HERSELF, they control the state of their own brain!!
👉 Parent self regulation = Children not a threat = Teaching instead of reacting

With self regulation, the feeling of the threat dissipates and maturity and perspective can return. Instead of reactivity, there is calm. There is connection. There is mature guidance.

This is the sweet spot of parenting. What do we get when we have a home filled with maturity and guidance instead of reactivity and blame? I can tell you. It’s night and day. It is enjoyment versus resentment.

So much of parenting in the past has concerned itself with the behavior of children. This is not the real work of parenting as I see it.. It wasn’t for me. I’ve learned that Self regulation of the parent is the most important thing in parenting. Leading by example is the real teacher to our children. As it turns out, parenting is actually about the parent.

❤️ Drew

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