Toxic parenting leads to toxic relationships later on. How kids learn to relate when they are young repeats itself later on in adult partner relationships.
Toxic parenting sounds like this:
– You are making me sad/frustrated….
– Do this for mommy
– You’re not sad. Stop crying. You are just trying to….
– If you don’t do X I’ll be angry/upset
– You knew what you did was bad.
– Good girls do X.
– It’s your fault that you got punished
– You deserved to be punished
– If you were a good boy you would do X
– Why can’t you be more like X.
– You are too much. I can’t handle you.
– Make daddy proud and ….
– When you grow up you should…
What happens when a child learns that his/her behavior seems to dictate the mood and emotions of his/her parent to such a great extent?
How does he/she show up in relationship later on?
What happens when they learn that they have to be a certain way in order to receive love or approval.
Do they learn the lesson that:
“Love and acceptance are conditional”. “My feelings don’t matter”🙁 “I am responsible for other’s feelings” 🙁
What does that marriage look like for that person who learned those lessons?
There is a way out, both in parenting and marriage. Healthy separation, individuation, boundaries, empathy, gratitude and clear agreements and communication.
–> Empowerment, Autonomy and Interdependence.