When we leave home and go out in public, accountability on our behavior automatically increases.
We go out in to the world where others are watching, where there are norms and rules that are enforced. We go the bank, to the store and to work, where there are clear standards of behavior.
In society, there are varying degrees of consequences for not adhering to norms. Accountability is built into the social fabric, both formally and informally.
When we come home and shut the door, accountability on our behavior can drastically decrease if we let it. Other people are not watching.
The parent creates the norms, and the rules. The parent creates the standards for behavior for him/herself. They are their only source of accountability. That’s a powerful position to be in.
There is no oversight on the parent. They can even create a rule but then not follow it themselves.
If you are a yeller, if you are impatient or angry, it’s time to realize that if you would not act like this outside of the home, there is no good reason to act like this at home. It’s time for you to hold yourself to higher standards at home.
As parents, we are responsible for regulating ourselves. We set the tone at home.
The work of regulating oneself becomes top priority for a parent who behaves well in public, but is having a hard time being positive and mature at home.
I’m not shaming anyone here, but let’s be clear. It’s not good to be shouting at or shouting down your kids.
If you want to yell less and have more patience, it is crucial for you to develop self awareness and self regulation.
You can start by visiting the “Emotion Log” page on my webpage. You can buy my book. If you need more help, reach out.
Home is the place where we need to be the most accountable and consistent in our behavior. Yet, it is the place where the worst of the parent can come out. I know I’ve gotten sloppy at home. I’ve acted in ways at home that I would NEVER act in public or at work. This is not good. It is understandable, but not good.
And that is the first step. If you are acting in ways that you know are not okay, it’s time to acknowledge it and time to do something about it. It might be time for support.
We need to fully recognize the reality of this “behind closed doors” phenomenon… where parents become someone completely different and hurtful at home.
It’s not healthy. It’s not good for kids.
If you need help regulating yourself at home, please read through my facebook page, my blog, reach out to me. I struggled with it and now teach parents how to deal with it.
Our children are counting on us.