When we leave home and go out in public, accountability on our behaviour automatically increases.
We go out in to the world where others are watching, where there are norms and rules that are enforced. We go the bank, to the store and to work, where there are clear standards of behavior.
There are varying degrees of consequences for not adhering to norms. Accountability is built into the social fabric, both formally and informally.
When we come home and shut the door, accountability on our behavior drastically decreases. People are not watching. The parent create the norms, and the rules. The parent creates the standards for behaviour for him/herself. As parents, we regulate ourselves for the most part. It takes a strong and skillful person to not take advantage of his position of power.
THIS is why is is so important for the parent to develop self awareness and self regulation. The home is the place where we need to be the most accountable and consistent in our behaviour. Yet, it is the place where the worst of the parent can come out. I know I’ve gotten sloppy at home. I’ve acted in ways at home that I would NEVER act in public or at work. This is not okay. It is understandable, but not okay.
And that is the first step really. If you are acting in ways that you know are not okay, it’s time to acknowledge it and time to do something about it. It’s time for support.
We need to fully recognize the reality of the “behind closed doors” behavior. If you need support to hold yourself to high standards of behavior at home, standards that serve the best interests of your children, reach out.
Our children are counting on us.