This is why getting help and improving on your parenting is actually a really hard and annoying thing to do.
👉 Self examination is a sensitive and tender thing. It is hard looking at blind spots. We’ve kept them blind for a reason. We don’t like to look at them. It is uncomfortable to highlight areas in need of improvement.
👉 In highlighting areas where you want to improve there may be a realization how you have not been your best or how you might have even hurt your child(ren). This is hard to take.
👉 If not done with the right focus, self improvement can feel like pointing out what’s not right. It can feel like blame. It can feel like not being enough and not doing a good enough job. If you were raised in a home where you yourself were blamed and shamed, you might be worried about experiencing more of that.
👉 It can feel like a loss of control. “I don’t want anyone inserting themselves into my family and telling me what to do. I’m in control here!”
👉 It can feel like an invasion of privacy. “My family is my family, I don’t need a anyone poking their nose around.”
👉 It can feel disempowering. I personally had the idea that I should be able to figure things out on my own. I didn’t want to “need” anyone. I didn’t want to be seen as incompetent or unable to figure things out. I didn’t want to pay for any help. I felt like asking for help was the nail in the coffin that showed the world that I couldn’t handle things.
👉 Also…It will be hard work. Changing ingrained behaviors is not easy. It takes time, dedication and discipline.
All of these reasons are reasons to avoid improving on parenting. I have felt them all.
But I have also felt a reason to improve that surpassed all of these combined.