Own your behavior fully and completely. Owning your behavior means not making excuses for it.
Owning your behavior means not blaming someone else for it.
Owning your behavior focuses on your actions, not on the actions of someone else.
The reason why you lost your cool is not because someone made you lose your cool. You lost your cool because you were not in control of your emotions. This is the truth. Children don’t make us lose our cool. Parents get angry and lose our cool because we lack the skills to do better, or because we feel that we are entitled to behave this way.
Full ownership means that when you make a mistake, when you lose your cool, you apologize and repair broken trust. When you apologize, you own your behavior as a mistake and acknowledge the impact you had on someone else. That’s it. No buts. If you want to add something, you can add that you will try to be better in the future. This is not the time to teach a lesson. This takes away from the apology and you owning your behavior. If you want to teach a lesson, and offer guidance, do it another time.
Why do we do this? Owning your own behavior models personal responsibility like a boss. “I am responsible for me and my actions. I am in control of my behaviour. I am in control of my life.” “If I make a mistake or hurt someone, it is my responsibility to repair the relationship”
We MUST separate the owning of our behavior from teaching lessons. It muddies waters when we do. Separation allows the lessons to be lessons at a later time. There are no mixed messages…no shame, no insidious messages of “you made me do it”. Full ownership is brave and full of integrity.
So Dads if you make a mistake, it’s your turn to step up: No blame, no shame, just honesty…just ownership. That’s it.
Deep down you want to take ownership. If feels great: mature, loving, manly even.
Share this with any Daddy’s who might need it.