For myself, I’ve noticed one of three things is happening:
1. I’m carrying stress over from other parts of my life into the current moment.
Sh*t flows downhill. When something negative happens to you, you are more likely to loose your cool on your kids. The fix is to deal with these challenging moments… in the moment, rather than bringing them home.
This requires you to be present, assertive and be willing to not “let things happen to you”. Either that, or find a way to rebrand what has happened and accept it and move on, really move on. It’s the unresolved stuff that creates the stress. Key here is recognizing that you do have a choice in how you react and what you do with difficult moments. You are an empowered individual. It’s the not being true to yourself that causes the stress, not the challenging situation.
Keep and eye on this one! Bringing unrelated stress and frustrations home and taking it out on the kids (and spouses) is unfortunately really common. The people close to us end up being the easy target…yet the least deserving of our anger.
2. I haven’t been paying attention to myself and my own needs.
Your daily activities have a lot to do with your emotional and mental health. Important here is Diet, Sleep, Exercise, Meditation, Creative Expression, Physical Movement, Supportive Relationships, Intimate contact, Service, Time in Nature…
We are human. We need certain things. If you don’t get those things, your body and mind will let you know.
Are you taking care of yourself or are you forgetting about yourself? This seriously affects how we deal with our children.
3. My belief system needs adjustment.
If I have set up expectations for myself that are out of whack, out of line, and/or not realistic, then negativity and frustration is inevitable. If I have expectations for my children that are similarly problematic, then negativity and frustration is inevitable when I deal with them.
If I have a view of the world, myself and my kids that is negative, I will experience the world like this. You get more of what you focus on. If I have a belief of myself that I am okay the way that I am, that I am learning, and that I have choice to make my life better…then positivity results. If I have a similar view of my children that they are good, they are learning and I can help teach them, then this changes the whole game. Instead of seeing challenging behaviour as threat, I can see it as a learning opportunity.
Think about it. When things are going well, when good things are happening, when you are taking care of yourself and you have a generous view of your children…how do you parent then? It’s usually more skillful isn’t it. With this being the case, it becomes clear that our own personal state really impacts how we parent.
Do you want to get out of this angry place? Do you want to move to calmer, connected, more effective parenting? I’ve helped hundreds of parents do just that. Here are the testimonials.
In Truth and Love,
Drew