Dear frustrated parent,
So, things aren’t going so well and you’re struggling. You’d like to be more skillful, less volatile perhaps. You’d definitely like it to be easier.
Good news! Parenting can be learned, and in fact, it should be. There’s no shame in the game. We were never taught how to parent. So don’t be too hard on yourself.
However, similar to other skills, it’s going to require some dedication to master. But it’s worth it. Our kids are definitely worth it.
“But how do I dedicate myself to the practice of parenting”? Glad you asked.
First off you need to buy into the idea that parenting is important and can be learned. In fact, it needs to be learned.
The single most important thing is that you have to want to learn, want to improve. You need to have some kind of motivation. Perhaps you don’t want to parent the way that you were parented. Maybe you want to stop yelling and threatening. You want to have a better relationship. You want to be a more effective parent. Whatever your motivation, it has to be there.
However, it takes more than just wanting. It will take dedication and an investment. This road is not an easy road. It might just take everything you have. It took me everything I had to stop myself and my toxic autopilot. But it was imperative for me to find a new way. What I was doing wasn’t working and I was hurting my kids in the process. I wasn’t being the best parent I could be.
Yes it will be hard to become the parent that you want to become, to become skillful and to step into a more mature role. And yes you might have to examine some of your own issues, you might have to work on healing yourself. But again, for our kids, it’s worth it.