Son: daddy, why are you mean to me?
Dad: What, I’m not mean to you? What do you mean, mean? Sweetie, you think I’m mean to you? Really?
Son: well, you talk to me differently than you talk to other people?
Dad: What do you mean differently?
Son: …you always seem angry at me.
Dad: I’m not ALWAYS angry with you… I just get frustrated that’s all. I lose my patience from time to time.
Son: why you don’t get frustrated with other people or lose patience with other people?
Dad: Ahh…well… I do sometimes, but…I can’t just go around yelling at people at work or at the store or at the bank.
Son: so, why do you yell at me then?
Dad: Umm, well. you see. You are my responsibility and other people aren’t my children.
Son: so why do Mommys and Daddys get to yell at their children?
Dad: You are 3 years old. Why are we having this conversation? I have to cook dinner now and, do the laundry, and your sister will be getting up from her nap soon.
Son: you are starting to do it again.
Dad: What?
Son: i don’t like your voice
Dad: What voice? This is my voice. My voice is my voice.
Son: no. It changed. The sound of your voice changed. It sounds like you don’t like me again.
Dad: What? I LOVE you! I love you soooo much. Is that what you think when I talk like that… you think I don’t like you?
Son: … yes, (crying and sniffling) that’s what it feels like.
Dad: Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say. I don’t want you to feel like that. (Hug)
Son: can’t you just talk to me like you talk to other people? nicely?
Dad: Ahh. Yes. Well, I’m going to try. I’ll try really hard. But you might have to help me. Can you help me?
Son: i love helping!
Dad: You are too much…Okay, so, if you notice my voice changing, you can just tell me. You can ask me to speak nicely to you. And I’ll try.
Son: great!!
Dad: But I might need your help cooperating, or I might need to take a break to recharge my batteries?
Son: you have batteries?
Dad: Ha! no, but, I might need to take a five minute break to lie down or just be by myself. That would really help me. Do you think we could do that?
Son: okay. I can play lego when you do that.
Dad: You are an amazing little guy. I’m going to try. I’m going to try harder. Why do I feel like sometimes you are the parent and I’m the child?
Son: what? I’m not your parent. That’s crazy.
Dad: Ha! but, ya sometimes it feels like…I love you.
Son: i love you too Daddy.
(Children with teach and transform you if you are willing)
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[…] You might be thinking. Oh, jeez. I never knew I sounded like that. Don’t worry, we all do from time to time. But here is the funny thing, there isn’t even a good reason for it and It doesn’t help. In fact, it can make things worse. It can get in the way of the relationship you’d like to have with your child. Tone of voice and how we speak to people matters. Think about if someone in charge of you talked to you like that day in and day out. How we speak to our kids tells them how we feel about them. My son picked up on that early. […]